Actually i'm not sad over the fact that we didn't get Nationals Top 4,
i mean that was never my goal and i didn't even know that was our team goal.
I'm more of disappointed.
I mean we had a 5-point lead and then we lost by 1.
The feelings sucks and yes, damn shitty.
I could proudly say that we were better than them when comparing skills and courtwork, but in terms of mental strength and managing emotions, we were weaker.
Actually i'm still puzzled as to what went wrong.
I just know that last quarter caused us alot.
I'm upset with my play,
because i knew i didn't put my 100% in, or maybe not even my 80%.
I don't know why,
but the feeling just was weird on court.
Peilynn said maybe it's because the pace's like really slow but idk,
my feet just felt real heavy and like my lower part of my body was pulling my whole body down, and i just couldn't jump for the ball that was actually a beautiful pass.
my hands were wobbly and i couldn't catch.
my shots weren't going in.
And like i'm sorry team, but i actually didn't want the ball to come to me at the last minute when i saw kirsten counting fown 30 seconds to the umpire,
because i was afraid i would get that shot and not shoot it in.
i was afraid i would end crying my heart out like the Stmargs match.
i was afraid my shot would cause the team not to get into Top 4,
and i was almost sure that i wouldn't put that shot it,
cos shooting under a hell lot of pressure has never worked for me.
And the guilt tht i felt would be 10 times worse then the one i felt aft the stmargs game, as that shot determined if we could get into the next round or not.
So much for my praying that i kinda regret now.
and i regretted going bloghopping because the truth is, i've forgotten about the whole match matter but aft reading all the blogs, i've just been faced by the cold harsh truth once again.
-I've never been so vulnerable-
Friday, April 10, 2009
The truth is,
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